The Bigger Picture - How To Reduce Stress And Increase Happiness

Whilst out walking Winnie yesterday Mary and I started talking about our life, where it's going and how we're going to achieve all of the goals we have set for ourself. Deep stuff for a dog walk on Southborough common, right? Well the upshot of the chat was that we have a clearer picture of where we're heading and how it's going to be possible. And how we can mentally survive the journey.

We talked about this blog and the vlogging as well as the other social media interactions that take place daily. Mary is of the opinion that if we are in the midst of a crazy time then it wouldn't matter if we didn't put a blog out that week. I'm of the opinion that consistency every week is key to the long game. Both just an opinion.

We chatted about Mary taking on more involvement in the blogging and vlogging but as soon as I watched the colour drain from Mary's face I realised we also have a different take on what we can each manage within the process.

Before I get in to it, let me say I don't think either of us has a more valid take on our journey than the other. It was good to chat it all through though and accept what our roles are. We both agree on where we're going and what we want out of it. We just needed to chat through the how.

Both of our jobs are full on. There's no getting around that. But as Mary is a Deputy Head at her school I understand that she does have more responsibility than me and therefore a heavier burden on her shoulders and also an expectation that she puts on herself. 

As I've said before she will often work 7am until 7pm and sometimes much longer. It leaves her with very little head space for anything else during term time. Her job is all consuming at times.

My job is also hectic. I'm a head of year, head of house, PE and Games Teacher and form teacher. I have Saturday fixtures and during the summer; fixtures that run late on a Wednesday too (cricket). This is not a competition by the way!! Just an explanation.

But by the time I get home, I still have a little in the tank to sit at the computer for the rest of the evening for the blog and vlog. Yes it's full on but it's something we both believe in and are passionate about. And I'm happy to do it. Even if it helps 1 person it's worth it.

So, in order to reduce Mary's stress levels, we agreed that I will focus on the blogs and vlogs and Mary will handle the bulk of social media. She's so good at it and it's manageable within her structure.

But it got me thinking about stress in general. That one chat had gone some way to relieve some of the stress Mary was feeling about all of this because we'd zoomed out and looked at the bigger picture. What else can we do to help? What could we all do to help ourselves?

So if we're feeling stress in our general life then let's discuss some ideas that may help us deal with it better. And create a happier environment to be in.

1) Zoom Out

We're surrounded by people with first world problems. Lost phones, clothes that don't fit, an old car, a virus etc. Of course these can all be important to us. They can affect us. But we also need to grab some perspective. Zoom out and realise a few things about us and our situation. The majority of us will earn a huge amount above the global average. The majority will have good health and all of our limbs. We mostly live in democratic countries where services like healthcare are a given.

Now think about the third world. Those who live under oppression. Those who live in places where slavery still exists. Where women's rights don't exist. Religious freedom is not an option. Those who are severely ill but have no access to healthcare, or even running water, or food.

Some children in Cambodia regularly work very late trying to sell books to tourists to earn enough money to pay for their schooling the next day.

Then come back to your problem or stress. Ask yourself if the world will stop turning if you don't complete the job you had to do. Will you or someone else die if you don't finish a set task. Yes it's quite a dramatic way of looking at it but sometimes we do need the big zoom out!

2) List it

Get a pen and paper and empty your head on to the paper. All of the things you constantly have to remember to do, get it down. You may be overhwhelmed at first by the amount you've written but I think it's the lesser of 2 evils. You could have it floating around in your brain, sometimes accessible and sometimes not. Or you can get it on paper, constantly see what it is and even tick it off once completed. The endorphins you get for crossing a completed task are more than you'd get it you just did the task. There is something satisfying about crossing jobs off of a to do list.

I call my little black diary, I carry around with me, my brain. There's just so much going on my primary brain in my skull is often shot to bits. So without my secondary brain I think I'd be more stressed.

3) Apply a filter

Not every job on your list has the same level of importance. And actually what does 'important' even mean? As a teacher I could have a very important job to do but never get round to it when I want to. Because it's not urgent. Something like changing my displays. That's important because it keeps the classroom fresh, it keeps the kids interested and it keeps the bosses happy. It's a no brainer. But it's not urgent like a parental email that demands a response or a meeting that you need to be at. So it keeps getting shunted backwards.

Board displays are always important but often not as urgent as other aspects of teaching. A constant source of frustration for teachers because we all want to inspire.

So look at your list and decide... what is urgent but not important? What is important but not urgent? What is both (these are the ones that have to go to the top of your list). Once you start sorting through your list with a more zoomed out viewpoint, you realise that there are some things that, if they don't get done immediately, will not result in anyones tragic death. You get to them when you can.

When you look at your list like that it takes on a far less imposing bent. Mary and I regularly chat about the fact she can only do what she can do. What is genuinely urgent and what can she put on hold until the urgent stuff get's done. It's a constant battle because Mary is a perfectionist who is bloody good at her job. So I'm always trying to get her to take an overview. It does work!

4) Delegate

Obviously delegation isn't always possible but if that is an option; do it. It mainly comes down to trust. In the person you're delegating to. It's a tricky one. Will they meet your expectations? Will they meet the standards you require? Well sometimes no but I would say, with a clear and concise explanation then yes. We are all more capable than we give each other credit for. It's a frustration of Britain in general for me.

We wrote in our Copenhagen blog about the work life balance in Denmark. And it comes down to trust. If you give someone a job, you trust they will do it. You don't waste time checking up on them. If you leave work at 3 on a Friday, it's trusted that you have done your work. In fact, most Danes leave early on a Friday because there is never a suggestion that leaving early means shirking responsibility. Again there is trust.

The British are excellent at working hard but not so good at working smart! And that won't change until we shift our mentality. So start here and delegate where you can. Watch people rise to the occasion!

5) Chuck it in the f*ck it bucket

When all is said and done you just have to know what is worthy of a time and effort investment and what isn't. You can prioritise, delegate, list and get perspective but at the end of the day there are just some things in your life that aren't worth continuing. Knowing when to cut your losses on a task, job, relationship, past-time or hobby is crucial to reducing stress levels. Just grab the things that waste your time and add no value to you or someone else and mercilessly chuck it in the f*ck t bucket and think no more about it.

It can be brutal but I like to think of it as a spring clean for the mind. But it doesn't have to be spring! Why do we physically jettison items to feel better (like clothes, old toys, etc etc) but accumulate a lot of stressful baggage in the mental sense. We need to start thinking of streamlining our minds as well as our homes and physical lives.

6) Chat it out

Probably the most effective stress reliever for Mary and I is immediately talking through anything that causes us anxiety or stress. Relieving issues, no matter how small, little and often is the key to stopping a build up of frustrations that eventually blow like a volcano.

Taking some time to talk things through can seriously put things into perspective.

We're very lucky that in our 11 years together we've probably only really argued a handful of times but we put it down to our early recognition of friction points and talking it through so that it doesn't build. I'd rather be the person that verbalises an annoyance than someone who holds everything internally and eventually goes mental in a supermarket and tries to shoot everyone. A bit dramatic yes, but I do genuinely believe there has to be a pressure valve people use to release it.

So if you're not good at talking through your issues and trying to carry the load yourself, start getting good at it. I can't tell you what a benefit it's been for the both of us.

These 6 points have benefited us numerous times during our relationship and we wanted to share them with you. But there is far more we can do in general (too much to write here) so we're going to make a vlog this week about stress and how to reduce it. Keep an eye out for that on our YouTube channel. We're having an absolute blast making the videos, even if our audience is small! 

It's all about the process.

So have a great week and please share any tips you have that help you reduce stress in your lives. We're always keen to hear.

Laters x