Why 'give And You Shall Receive' Is A Dangerous Lesson To Teach
This week is by far the craziest, most full on, stressful and rewarding week of my year. Every year. You see, 4 years ago I decided in my infinite wisdom that I would look in to whether there was such a thing as a kids triathlon for prep school children in the UK. I knew how passionate I was about the sport and I was seeing first hand how passionate the children at my school were becoming.
2 years previously I had set up and run a small in-school triathlon for around 60 children in Years 5-8. I enjoyed it and they seemed to. The feedback from my friends at the school, who had helped, was very positive so I thought 'maybe I should look at making this a bit bigger'.
I'm a firm believer in dreaming as big as possible. Like trying to change the world big. And so I thought this was a big enough challenge for me, at the time. The first year we had 220 competitors and, although raw, it went well. It was a steep learning curve and the next year we had 450 sign up! It blew my mind. Word had obviously got out. Since then we've consistently had between 430 and 450 sign up. I've created a monster.
But this isn't about me. Or even the triathlon. It's about a concept that the people who help me each and every year clearly adhere to. And it's one I believe keeps our country in particular strong. But it also keeps the world an inspiring uplifting place.
Every year I put out a call for help and every year, even though it's a Sunday and everyone works super hard during the week, I get a lot of people offering their help. There are the stalwarts who offer every year. Those who offer some years and are busy other years. And new helpers each year. And each and every one of them does it with zero expectation of receiving anything back.
In fact, so much so that it's almost impossible to to even get them a gift as a way of saying thanks. I end up having to call the gift a non-negotiable non-declinable part of the deal!!
So it lead me to thinking what are we teaching our children when we use the phrase 'give and you shall receive'? Surely we're teaching them about a completely different concept Gary Vee likes to call a 'loaded give' which i,s to say, give with the expectation that you'll get something back for it. Either immediately or down the road.
And what happens if you don't get something back when you just did this favour for someone? Feelings of resentment? Bitterness? even anger? Isn't that crazy?!
Life is not a series of contracts and negotiations. Of holding people to a deal or favour done previously. The world works best when we release ourselves from any emotional attachment to giving. That is to say, an emotional attachment to the reciprocal nature of giving. It can be an increasing source of negative emotion if we don't.
The moment we release ourselves from any expectation of a return giving becomes about the process. About you and the person you want to become. I don't believe it should be used as a way of being "seen" to be nice or benevolent. It should just be the way we do things. To give and think nothing more of it than the fact someones needs something and we are in a position to provide it for them.
It can change the course of peoples days, weeks, years or even lives. The strongest example I know of and one that makes me so proud to be British is the London 2012 Olympic Games. Those games were heralded as a triumph at every single level. From TV coverage, to the commentary, to the actual success of the events and the atmosphere at every single stadium, event and match. And what underpinned our games? The volunteers... or the games makers as they are now pleasingly referred to. 70,000 people gave up their own time to make these Olympics the best there have ever been.
It is honestly one of the most inspiring things I have ever seen. Had Mary and I not been in a very rough patch (not with each other!) at that time I'd like to think we would have volunteered ourselves.
These volunteers gave up a minimum of 10 days with no pay, no expenses and no accommodation and STILL the organisers were overwhelmed with offers of help and support. It is the British spirit in action right there. No expectation of anything back. Just giving to help a cause they believe in.
And that's what leads me back to my triathlon. I've tried to put in to words, both spoken and written, what the help each year means to me. But it's nearly impossible to sum up how I truly feel about it. These people that help me, these friends, family members, ex-pupils and ex-parents, sometimes even people I barely know!
I'm an open and emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I like to talk to people openly and honestly. But even then I can't convey the impact that these people have on me and on the children racing. I'm humbled, inspired to be personally better, in awe and so grateful that I cannot do it justice in a blog. These people offer me their help, on a weekend, to make MY crazy passion and dream a reality. It's not their passion. But they're there nonetheless.
Honestly I could cry just thinking about it. Without these people (Mary and my family included of course), this dream would stay just that. A dream. But it's a reality and it's hugely successful.
And it's all down to everyone who disregarded the concept of 'give and you shall receive.
They went with the new concept of give because it's a nice thing to do and it will make you and others happy. Not quite as catchy but much more meaningful. And perhaps we should stop teaching that previous concept to the next generation as soon as possible.
One of our big 40 challenges is to give 40 hours of our time to helping anyone with any kind of charitable endeavour that needs us or anyone that needs volunteers in general. So if that's you, give us a shout and we'll see what we can do. Because it's the right thing to do in the world.
Thank you to everyone who gave their time on Sunday, or in the lead up to. You are all heroes in our eyes and I can't thank you enough. But hopefully this is a start.
