Why First Impressions Count... For Both Of You!

I read somewhere that it takes over 20 times of meeting someone to change the first impression that was given. So if you’re having a bad day and you meet someone for the first time, and you let that bad day come through in to your interactions, chances are that it will be the impression they have of you as a person for a good while after, true or not.

Of course I’m not suggesting we fake who we are when we meet a new person so that they go away with a postitive first impression. In fact I bet we’ve all met people for the first time that have over done it (I’m pretty certain I’d be in this category a lot!) or worse that we know are playing a role and that is not really them. I’m saying let’s be the best versions of us, if we can, when we meet people.

I’m guilty of the first on occasion. I want so much to be a positive happy and friendly force that it may be too much for some. I’m trying to learn when to dial it down. 

But this blog isn’t really about the first impressions you give. It’s about the other side of the coin. The first impressions you decide upon. Because these can be equally as important.

Malcolm Gladwell’s book ‘Blink’ is around the judgement calls made in the split second after people are exposed to something. A fake sculpture, watching a couples relationship, life and death situations in the police force. He refers to that blink and you miss it decision making as ‘Thin slicing’.

In layman’s terms it really means using the experience and expertise that you have to let your gut make the decision and you go with it, before rational thinking can come in and change your mind. The more expertise you have in a subject the better you are at thin slicing in that particular area.

But what does that mean in the human relationships realm? It means that not only do you need to be thinking about how you behave and interact with people your meet (especially for the first time) but you also need to be NOT thinking about your impressions of someone you meet, as more thinking can skew your gut feeling about someone.

I feel, as a race of people, we’re learning more and more about people and the way we, our brains, our bodies work every year. There are scientific studies, books, blogs and myriad other ways of looking in to the human condition. We are building our experience and expertise in relationship building. And the more expert we get the better thin slicers (I have no idea if this is a legitimate phrase) we are going to theoretically be.

But of course it doesn’t quite work like that. Everyone is different and everyone has different abilities to read people. Take autistic people for example. They are unable to read emotion because it is going on inside someone else’s head. It has been proven that an autistic person accesses the same part of their brain to look at and analyse a chair as they do a person. In other words they see a person as an object rather than an emotional being.

So we’re not all starting from the same point. But it does feel like we’re learning. Fake people don’t get away with being fake for as long. Con men have, in majority, adapted to interact behind the internet curtain where they cannot be thin sliced. That is in part due to the technology at our finger tips of course. But it must also be because it’s not as easy to gain someone’s confidence any more.

So the next time we meet someone for the first time, we have to put our best foot forward but also trust our gut when we make a judgement on them. It’s not always right but I guess that by doing it, we’re learning what our instincts are and how we may be able to use them in different areas of our life.

If I trust my gut when I meet Joe Bloggs for the first time I can get used to trusting my gut when an athlete poses a problem that, if I spent too long thinking about, could get confusing. But because of the knowledge I’ve built up over years of coaching and teaching, I may be able to thin slice my way to a solution.

Just a thought really. But from the gut!