It’s ‘why’ Not ‘what’ That Makes The Difference

‘The two most important days in your life’s are the day you are born and the day you find out why’ ~ Mark Twain

So I’ll say right off of the bat, I’ve just read Simon Sinek’s book ‘Start with why’ and this blog is a little bit of a sum up of that and a little of my thoughts surrounding his ideas. I’m not claiming these as my own but I would definitely recommend the book if you’re looking for ways to get started with something in your life.

I’ve written before about the importance of the commodity that I would call grit, some would call consciousness or industriousness but, for me, we’re just labelling it in a way that resonates best with us personally. Call it what you want, at it’s core it’s the same kind of emotion attached. Something deep and almost primal.

But to have grit it has always felt to me you must have some idea of a purpose, or ‘why’. It might not be fully articulated yet but it probably rumbles on in the background or subconscious. Steering you in a direction, but you may not consciously be aware of that direction… yet.

And that’s where ‘Why’ comes in to the mix. Sinek suggests that, in terms of companies, those that perform best are those where they have been able to clearly articulate their ‘why’ to the consumer. People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it. It’s why companies such as Apple are so hugely influential. They do and have always branded themselves as a company flying in the face of the corporation. A rebel bringing innovation and excitement to the masses. The Everyman. They’re effortlessly cool, their ads focus on individuals not groups, they know their ‘why’ and that’s why people buy their products. Whether they’re inferior or not is irrelevant to those who buy an iPhone. They believe in why they do what they do, not what.

When the why AND what are in line on the same trajectory then you’re laughing. You’re practicing what you preach. If there is a split (Apple when they got rid of Steve Jobs, Walmart etc) people smell it a mile off. The fact is, we aren’t stupid. When it becomes about something other than the why then the emotional attachment is lost.

That’s how I feel about life. I probably feel too much passion and can suffer from something called confirmation bias, where I dive headlong in to books and papers etc that I already believe in only to reinforce my beliefs. I’m trying to get better about challenging myself and making sure I take on a wide range of opinion but I do it, in part, because I’m starting to know my why.

But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. It’s about us. And making sure we can find a way to articulate our why. Otherwise we might not be accessing the very top levels of life that are available to us. But it’s just not that easy. 

First off, no-one can tell you your why. Or even that you have to have one! They can offer opinion or even evidence that it could potentially lead to beautiful things, but at the end of the day, if you like who you are and you’re a happy fulfilled person but you can’t articulate your why, does it matter? Not knowing your why could still lead to beautiful things. It’s all subjective.

But if there is anything in what I would call the fibre of your being that is telling you that you are not quite fulfilled yet, not fully happy or not realising your potential then you need to consider the why.

But the ‘why’ is a fickle mistress. You don’t just think “hmmm I need a why” then you have it. We’ve spoken about it before. There is a process to find purpose or why. And it involves a lot of thinking and listing the things you do etc etc.

What I didn’t talk about in that blog was the position (maybe psychologically or maybe physically) that you might need to be in to even start that process. Asking us to find our why is like asking you to climb Everest tomorrow. Surely better to go to the most local fells or munros or hills first, and build from there?!

So that’s what my suggestion would be if we were interested in finding our why. It would be to not think about why at all….

Let’s Dig a bit deeper on this. I had a really inspiring chat this weekend with another Triathlon coach called Joel Enoch. A really genuine and reflective guy, caring and passionate and we share many of the same views. We have different views as well and I think that’s what made this conversation even better. We came from slightly different directions at the same problem.

It was Joel that suggested that maybe we all need to be receptive to even thinking about our why before we can actually think about our why! And we explored that topic in the limited time we had during a break in the course. Hopefully we’ll pick it back up very soon.

So what do we need to do to get ourselves in to the right situations to begin the journey. One way, I think, is simply realising we have a duty of care to ourselves. I’ve written before about people with cancer refusing their own medication but always ensuring their dog gets the medication it needs. We would rather look after others than ourselves. Maybe we don’t feel worthy of care. I can’t say that. But it does make me wonder what would happen in a world where people made sure they were ok. Not in a selfish way. In a way that said, I’ve sorted me, now I can look after you.

So here is the first steps. Every journey starts with them. What I’m going to do is each week, try to treat myself slightly better than the week before. I’m not going to try to BE better. Just to treat myself a little better.

Whether that’s by taking a night away from the computer (where I sit most evenings after work, training and eating to do the vlogs), I may have a date night to spend time with Mary. A 1 hour technology exclusion zone. A massage once a month. A present. Just not slogging my guts out like we all do.

The first step, I think, is making sure we’re ok. Looking out for ourselves and each other. So let’s make a pact right here. Let’s treat ourselves better because we are worth it. We’re all good humans trying to do the best we can with the cards we’ve been dealt and we deserve to look after ourselves. 

Take those first steps. Let me know what they are. And let’s commit. This week I have promised to spend more time away from social media and more time with my nearest and dearest. By focusing on my relationships I’m looking after my mental state.  Because I am worth it and I know that. I may only be at Everest base camp but I’m on the journey.

So if you feel like there is a dream to chase or a potential that is as yet unrealised, start getting yourself physically and psychologically in a place where you will eventually be able to start thinking about your ‘why’. Get on that journey. Baby steps because… you know, we were all babies once!